|\__|\ /--------------------------------------\ | o o |_____o | Lone Woof Electronic Magazine #65 | | | / | | \/\/\/\/ //--------------------------------------/ |_____/\/\/\| / \ In this issue: 1) WOOF Welcome, my pretties to this issue of Lone Woof Electronic Magazine. You'd better like it! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ___________ ( NOSELINE @@@@ ----__!!!!!!_popopo In the news recently: 1) 35 people massacred in Tasmania. 2) At last something entertaining to do in Tasmania 3) Plane crash into swamp. Doesn't that 7 year old girl ever give up!?!?! $) Plane identified as being of value-jet airlines. Good value! Pay lots money to die! 12) Floods devastate south Queensland and northern New South Wales. Funny! Haw HAW! 1) Dali Lama is visiting Australia sometime soon. He does not want any gifts. 1) Recent headlines have been about the gun lobby, but why would someone want to make a room in a hotel especially for guns. HA HA HA HA HA! Funny. @#$!!?*&) Dali Lama is leaving Australia after he visits by value-jet airlines, which will be taking off from south Queensland airport. Not funny! Ha ha! 6778765644654) Mr E. Montogomery has died, as was seen in the orbituaries column of Sydney Morning Herald, 11/5/96. He APPARENTLY was 76 years of age, and will APPARENTLY be missed by grieving family and friends. There is no archaeological evidence to back up these claims. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ |\__|\*** /--------------------------------------\ | o o |_____o | Attack* of the Lone Woof** | | \/\/\/\/ //--------------------------------------/ |_____/\/\/\| / \ * Not actually attacking ** Written by two authors, writing every second sentence each. *** Dumb picture The night was dark. And the Woof decided to go to the Cash and Curry house for a pizza. No he didn't. Yes he did! Anyway, whether or not he purchased a pizza is quite irrelevant, as an unfortunate curse was earlier bestowed on him. It was the mystical curse of the ancient smorgasboard operator chairman, which made him do what you shall here about in the next sentence. Else where in the city another incident was occuring. But this didn't bother the Woof at all, because you were about to find out about the CURSE! The curse of . . . indecisiveness. Very good. "Fries or a coke with that?" asked the spotty faced teenager behind the counter. The Woof considered his options and scartched his head for a while, with increasing nervousness until he eventually screamed loudly and ran out of the shop. "Fries or a coke" he screamed all the way home, but when he reached a walk/don't walk sign, problems set in on our hero again. "Walk/don't walk!' he shrieked at the old lady also waiting at the bus stop for a taxi stand, "Fries or a coke with that? THAT?" "Hello" said the lady. "Are you a WOOF?" THE END $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ |\__|\ /--------------------------------------\ | o $ |_____o | That wasn't very funny!!! | | | / | | \/\/\/\/ //--------------------------------------/ |____ / |/\/\/\| $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ? | | |\__|\ /--------------------------------------\ |-#--#|_____@ | Query time ???? | | | / | | \/\/\/\/ //--------------------------------------/ |_____/\/\|\| / \ | | /-----\ | BEV| | ERA | |GE | \-----/ Dear Woof Why do you persistantly put your ascii picture in the e-zine? From Laura |\__|\ /--------------------------------------\ | o O |_____P | I don't know, Laura. Thanks for | | | / writing, it brightened up my day! | | |------| | //--------------------------------------/ |___________| / | Dear Woof Why am I receiving this digest all of a sudden, which I never ever subscribed to? From Mr Doctor Mary Unsworthy |\__|\ /--------------------------------------\ /-| X o |_____o | Well, I'm SO sorry you feel that | | | ______| / way! ... brain ... hurt ... ugggh | / | |-----\ /-------------------------------------/ &%@ / \ \ ¿¢¼ \ ______\___________ /|\ | Value Jet | | | self labotomy kit| brain | "it's good" | ------------------- $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ VISIT THE NEW LONE WOOF ELECTRONIC MAGAZINE HOME PAGE!!! http://uuscss.cs.su.oz.au/dylan_b/woof.html It's overflowing past the brim with extra funny good things! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ FUNNEEE JOKES INC. Doorman: How old are you kids? Balldust: 7 and a half Doorman: You have to be 18 or over to get into the casino Balldust: I said I'm 7 and a half Doorman: Okay, go right in. Man1: My Dog has no nose Ultra Strength Man: What happened to his nose? Man1: Err ... terrible There's a sign on a gate at a construction site that says "Gate in use 24 hours". Then why have a gate? Shopkeeper: Okay, all up, that will be $17.50. Ronald Reagan: Okay, there you go. Shopkeeper: Hang on, this is Monopoly money! Ronald Reagan: Oh, didn't you hear the news? Tax Accountant: Do you want to save all your money, or give it to the government? Lone Woof: Um . . . er . . . ararararararararararararararararararararara! Why did the cow go 'woof'? Because it was a stupid cow. Why did the second cow go 'woof'? It was also a stupid cow. Why did the third cow go 'woof'? Because it heard all the other cows going 'woof' and felt left out. Why did farmer Joe hit his cows? Because he thought it might stop them going 'woof' all the time. Why did the cows hit farmer Joe? Because they didn't like farmer Joe saying they were stupid old cows. What drives along the road? A car. Gun Man: Let's form a gun lobby! Everyone: Why would we want a room in a hotel to put the guns? Ha ha ha! In Japan a shop opened that was a bank, but it was also a training school. It was called "Dollars and Sensei". Ha ha ha! Gun Man: Let's form a gun lobby! Everyone: Ha ha ha! Gun man: Bang bang bang bang bang bang! _________ | FLAG | |________| | | |\__|\_ | /--------------------------------------\ |glasses|___| | That's not very funny either! | | | / | | \/\/\/\/ //--------------------------------------/ |_____/\/\/\| / \ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ |\__|\ /--------------------------------------------------\ | o o |_____o | Copyright Dylan Behan and Sam Bowring, 1996. | | | / Visit the Lone Woof Electronic Magazine Web Page | | \/\/\/\/ / at http://uuscss.cs.su.oz.au/~dylan_b/woof.html | |_____/\/\/\| \ To subscribe to Lone Woof Electronic Magazine, | / \ \ too bad, you can't! HOWEVER, you can subscribe to| | the equally entertaining Dead Pig Digest by | ___/\_____ | sending mail to zarla@magna.com.au. | | WOOF!!! | | Lone Woof Electronic Magazine was not sponsored | |__________| | by Bow Wow Dog Food. | | "Buy Bow Wow Dog Food, cause it's good" | \--------------------------------------------------/