In the past month: The Iranian city of Bam was attacked by "Seismic terrorists", killing thousands. "We won't rest til we get these Seismic terrorists" said Colin Powell, despite not liking Iran very much anyways. While Bill Clinton tried to make Middle East Peace his Presidential legacy, George W. Bush, looking unapathetic for the first time in his political career, looks set to relaunch America's space program, hoping to set up Moon bases and eventually put men on Mars. If you think about it, both Mid East peace and the US Space program have a lot in common: despite good intentions, both cost billions of dollars and only result in explosions. Look out for "Operation Martian Freedom" around 2020. I really should be working right now. In sport, Cricket legend David Hookes was declared all out for fifty swift kicks to the head. Telstra has come under fire from the public for indirectly outsourcing 500 IT jobs to India. Telstra's newly appointed head of public relations, Radjit Osman, told Delhi reporters: "Oh Good Golly Gosh, all this controversy is rather unexpected." If by chance you didn't find the last joke offensive, then John Howard wants you to teach in public schools. Molly Meldrum was detained at an American airport for ticking the wrong box on his Visa entry form. This would not be the first time Molly has been handcuffed, detained and lead into a cell for ticking the wrong box. The Salvation Army has been left $2 billion from Joan Croc, the former widow of the McDonalds founder. The only condition: they have to spend it all on McNuggets. Finally, Microsoft has softened it's threatened legal action against Canadian teenager Mike Rowe, who registered the internet domain MikeRoweSoft.com. "We appreciate that Mike Rowe is a young entrepreneur who came up with a creative domain name, so we're currently in the process of resolving this matter in a way that will be fair to him and satisfy our obligations under trademark law," a Microsoft spokesman said. "So we're having his head beaten in with a lead pipe and then burning his house down." Strangely, Microsoft has no registered no complaint with BillGatesSodomozingTeens.com