Banana Report #68, December 2003 "Saddam who?" After months of eluding occupational forces, former Iraqi president Saddam Hussien has been captured near his home town of Tikrit. In response to the historic event, US President George W. Bush told reporters that this was a step in the right direction, but he would not rest until the "the evil Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein has been captured and brought to justice." Hussein, discovered hiding in a "spider hole" by young US marines, wearing shabby clothing and hiding behind a greying beard, reportedly said his first words as: "And I would have got away with it too, if it hadnt've been for you pesky kids!" Meanwhile in Australia... US Administrator Paul Bremer's historic press conference announcing the capture, held at 11pm Sunday night our time, had every free-to-air TV station covering the event except two: SBS kept with normal programming (probably due to total lack of staffing), and Channel Ten made the wise decision that their viewers would be made better enlightened by sticking with a Cold Chisel reunion concert. Which makes sense because Jimmy Barnes has also once been dug out of a cellar. In other news: In an effort to target mobile phone "black spots", New York city Mayor Michael Bloomberg has set up a telephone hotline where New Yorkers can report reception drop outs and poor coverage. It's success so far has been mixed, with many of the hotline messages cutting out and being far too garbled to understand. The New South Wales government has promised an urgent security review on the Sydney Harbour Bridge after a "drunken idiot" managed to climb scale the icon and steal the Australian flag from it's summit. The man was later fined $350 and released. In a related story, anyone want to buy a giant Australian flag? Asking price is $350. Former pop star Bobby Brown has been arrested and charged with battery for domestic violence against his wife Whitney Houston. Brown, when questioned by police, denied the charges, stating: "Ain't nobody thumpin' around!" If you believe the last joke was in poor taste, please write a letter of comp laint to: Federal Opposition Leader, the Hon. Mark Latham Parliament House, Canberra, ACT, 2602. Please make your letters concise as Mr Latham will not be at this position for long. Finally, last month a Mosman kebab shop owner was implicated and identified as being part of an Indonesian people smuggling ring. Police first became suspicious when they noticed his k'baby meal deal came with a real Kurdish baby!