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In the past month:
Jose Bove, the French anti-capitalist figurehead who foolheartedly attacked his local McDonalds with a chisel, was arrested on his farm the middle of the night by a squad of 80 armed guards, attack dogs and a helicopter. The French Justice Minister's justification: "We wanted to avoid any confrontation". Ummm... am I missing something here, or isn't attacking someone with 80 guards the DEFINITION of a confrontation?
Following his 'leadership' 'victory' Simon Crean has ordered a 'fast tracking' of Labor Policies. Expect policies to arrive in 2006 - about the same time as Sydney's Millennium Trains. Like the trains, there will be a major power vacuum and no fresh air.
Australia's entry into the 2006 Soccer World Cup has faced another setback with FIFA ruling that the Oceania region will no longer receive automatic entry. "There's no way we stand a hope if we actually have to play football against another team!" said a Soccer Australia representative.
Larry Clark's controversial new film Ken Parkwas denied classification, and was unable to be shown at the recent Sydney Film Festival. Larry Clark's next movie Naked Teen Cigar Smoking 2000 has already been approved by the censors for the 2004 festival though.
The controversy as to why we invaded Iraq continues, with intelligence sources claiming an accidental typo attributable to their year ten work experience boy, Gorov, who accidentally used the word "weapons" instead of "berets" in many, many crucial reports. He apologises for the mistake and any inconvenience this might have caused.
In a related story, Australia is invading the Soloman Islands. In a press release John Howard wrote "Huzzah by Jove, we'll convert thy savages to the Christian way yet."
Australia has a new Governor General: Blackboard from Mr Squiggle told reporters he thought the constitution was "upside down, upside down."
Following on from 50 Cent, Rene Rivkin is trying to get into the fast-money world of hip-hop with his debut album Get Rich or go to weekend detention trying, featuring the hit song "(Losing Money) On tha Club", about his failed Double Bay nightstop investments. When questioned about his new career, Rene replied "New South Head Road Crew Reprazent!" Also, his worry beads are now bling bling.
Adam Sandler got married, so there's hope for us all yet. Tthe words he used to propose marriage actually came from his own movie Billy Madison: "Stop looking at me swan!"
Quote of the month: "You don't even have to be a fan of reality TV to enjoy this movie because it's so accessible" - from the press notes for spring break reality movie, The Real Cancun.
Yes, this is a 'dud' issue. |