With the second Gulf war over (for now), it's time for people all around to world to appreciate the finer things in life, like dying of SARS.
SARS Fact Sheet:
Your SARS Questions answered by Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, the former Iraqi information minister.
Question:What is the origin of SARS?
Question: How is SARS transmitted?
Question:Will taking Pan Pharmaceutical Vitamins stop me getting SARS?
Question: Am I in trouble if I get SARS?
Sydney Buses are now looking forward to welcoming back Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf back as head of customer service and public relations.
In regards to SARS, the Australian government is hot on the case. "We've consulted all the relavant medical information we have in the ministry" said Health Minister Kay Patterson "and decided Dustin Hoffman better get that damn Monkey!"
Unlike Saddam's strategic use of look-a-likes to distract intelligence sources, Americans resembling George W. Bush (ARGWB) have issued a statement declaring their total "underuse" during the recent Iraqi conflict. "We're a totally unacknowledged American resource" a spokesperson declared - "just like natural energy."
Hot on the heels of Nelly and Missy comes new mega rap sensation 50 Cent! Personally signed by Eminem, this reformed drug dealer and original 'gangster rapper' has hit da clubs with his hit new song In da Club. His name may be 50 Cent - but he is 100 cent good - PERcent that is. Now if only my drug dealer would stop RAPPING about that money I owe him.
American POW Jessica Lynch has been heroically rescued from her captors in Iraq. "Rest assured, we'd never leave a white American behind" said Donald Rulmsfeld.
Finally, nine time Olympic Gold Medalist Carl Lewis was arrested after driving under the influence of some "performance enhancing Vodka".
Yep.
Question: What does SARS stand for?
MSS: "There is no SARS. This is a lie. They lie. I can assure you, god be praised, the American infidels will die."
MSS: "They are nowhere near the airport ..they are lost in the desert...they can not read a compass...they are retarded."
MSS:"Our estimates are that none of them will come out alive unless they surrender to us quickly. God willing, I will provide you with more information. I swear by God, I swear by God, those who are staying in Washington and London have thrown these mercenaries in a crematorium."
MSS: "The Americans have poisoned the vitamins. They are like a snake. They will be burnt. I will tackle them all."
MSS: "Only if you are on Medicare. It is slaughtered... no more alive."