In This Issue: The War On Iraq The War In Iraq War On Iraq, The Petrol Prices: How the War In Iraq will effect Your Family at the Bowser The Oscars declare war on Michael Moore Bunny Rabbits... of war! In a shock move, US President George W. Bush has announced his plans to "liberate the oppressed people of Canada" and free them from "the corrupt and brutal regime of the Imperialist British Royal Family under which they currently die on a daily basis". These Canadians, it is currently believed, live deprived lives entirely devoid of the truth and honesty of the Fox News Channel - and under the daily, ritualistic brainwashing torture of British sitcoms. Some, it is even believed, rely on prehistoric public transport on a daily basis - and the government, by allowing gravy and cheese to be placed on french fries, is subjecting its people to ritualistic tortute. Look for Operation "Desert Moose" on a TV near you in June of this year. When asked where he thought Canada was, George W Bush said "evil, bad, kill, destroy." Bush is also using this war on Iraq as an opportunity to show off his humanitarian side, ensuring humanitarian donations of manned anti-air craft missiles and humanitarian land tanks take up early positions in captured towns. He also plans on providing the starving townspeople with much needed humanitarian food aid in the coming months - such as humanitarian oil drills and humanitarian oil pipelines which are expected to be installed soon. Before the outbreak of war, French President Jacque Chirac announced his decision to veto any decision in the UN security council backing an invasion of Iraq. That's right, it would have marked the first time Chirac had voted against bombing a small, obscure country. In other news: Bob Carr won the New South Wales State Election. His competition, a bright orange sock, proved difficult at times, but Labor won in the end. Building on anti-war sentiment, The Greens doubled their primary state vote and now have a total of --- two seats. Computer pioneer Adam Osborne has died at the age of 64. See - the Osborne never could beat the Commodore 64 - huh!?!?! Prince William is "on the cusp of love" sources reveal. In a related story, Prince Harry is "on the cusp of drug addiction". There's been a break through treatment for people with peanut allergies. Get ready for I Can't Believe It's not Peanut Butter. Now, if you need me I'll be watching Channel Nine's exclusive live coverage of Family Ties repeats. Back