Banana Report #55
November 2002
(or Issue 50 plus GST)

The biggest event of the last month was the bombing in Bali, Indonesia which killed 190 people, including 95 Australians, but when I saw a newspaper headline saying "Bomb hits Australians!" I thought they were just talking about the release of Garage Days!

Of course, with this terrorist act primarily targeted at Australians, I thought I'd try and compare how Australia coped compared with how America dealt with the tragedy post-September 11.

WHEN TRAGEDY STRIKES
Australia versus America

  • America - fearing security concerns, kept their President hidden on Air Force One following the disaster.
  • Australia - sends our Prime Minister to ground zero hoping for a repeat attack.

  • America - pauses to remember lost loved ones and begin the search for answers.
  • Australia - keeps drinking!

  • America - George W. Bush unites whole country with patriotic speeches.
  • Australia - Alexander Downer amazes whole country by not saying anything stupid.

  • America - has Bruce Springsteen lead a star-studded nationwide telethon to raise money for victims' families.
  • Australia - has Nikki Webster and Olivia Newton John sing in a park.

  • America - hangs an American flag at ground zero.
  • Australia - hangs an American flag at ground zero.

  • America - invades Afghanistan.
  • Australia - has a picnic in the domain.



In other news:

Chechen rebels took 750 theatregoers hostage for three days; the longest amount of time an audience has spent in a theatre since Cloud Street.

The US House of Representative has authorised President George W Bush to attack Iraq - but he is to only do it alone, wielding a broken shovel.

Winona Ryder's trial for shoplifting has been postponed until the judge's gavel is found.

Former U.S. President Jimmy Carter has been awarded this year's Nobel Peace Prize. In a related story, Bill Clinton has won an award for buying the most number of copies of a Sport Illustrated's Swimsuit issue.

Visiting ARIA award presenter and celebrity daughter Kelly Osbourne was in trouble recently for throwing bread rolls at the head of Channel Nine Entertainment reporter Richard Wilkins. Wilkins, as to be expected was furious. "She showed absolutely no respect," he said, "the least I could expect was a baguette or a mini-croissant!"

Pop star Moby is starting up a book club. Amongst the first titles selected for his readers: "Being a Gaunt Vegetarian Asexual Remixer for fun and profit", "How to make friends and infuriate Eminem" and "Less Than Zero: My Talent Level".

George W. Bush's niece Noelle, 25, has been jailed for ten days following a piece of cocaine being discovered in her shoe at rehab. The President's only comment: "It's all such a terrible tragedy, that piece of cocaine going to waste."

Back...