Natasha Stott Despoja has resigned as leader of the Australian Democrats, so she could "preserve the Democrats voter appeal." Don't you love the jokes which just write themselves?
Following sponsoring streakers at sporting events, Vodafone has stumbled upon a new lucrative promotional tool: sponsoring British child murder victims!
Meanwhile in Rugby League, the Canterbury Bulldogs have been expelled from the NRL for breaching their players salary caps. To avoid this problem in the future, players will soon be paid in delicious marshmallows. Willie Mason has himself signed a 900,000 marshmallow contract for next year, despite his crippling illiteracy.
Australia's oldest woman has died at 112. The highlight of her life: seeing her brother John Howard elected prime minister!
A recent scientific discovery has discovered that anorexia is related to your genes. Especially when they don't fit!
Beverley Hills 90210 "star" Jason Priestly was injured in a car accident. In a related story, Luke Perry works in a Car Wash.
Actor Nicolas Cagehas married Elvis' daughter, Lisa Marie Presley. Elvis told reporters that he liked Face/Off, but thought City of Angels was a piece of crap. Mr Cage said "Marrying Lisa Marie is going to do wonders for my career- just look at what she did for Michael Jackson".
Angelina Jolie's father Jon Voight has made an emotional appeal to his daughter to get help for "serious mental problems". In a related story, Angelina Jolie has fantastic breasts.
Former TV personality Steve Vizard has been named Father of the Year. His secret? Getting comedian Richard Stubbs to fill in every single Friday.