Hey Hey! It's Banana Report's fiftieth issue, and to "celebrate" here's a retrospective of the "best" "jokes" since we began back in October 1998. Enjoy!

IN THE PAST FOUR YEARS:

Bill Clinton has proved he can successfully drop 2 things:
1.bombs
2.his pants.

World Trade Centre? More like World PLANE Centre? Hyuk hyuk hyuk!

Seriously, one American television commentator commented that the World Trade Centre attack was reminiscent of a disaster movie - and then he half-jokingly asked where Superman was when you needed him. Of course we all know where Superman was, at the base of the towers, unable to get up the stairs in his wheelchair!

Boris Yeltsin is being impeached... for bad dancing!

George Bush Jr from Texas is going run in the US Presidential Election against current Vice President Al Gore, it will be called the Gore-Tex election.

The East Timor Independence Vote has been delayed again. Indonesian Authorities have promised an unbiased and fair election, "except for those who vote in favour of independence, they will be shot".

The most non-talked about event of recent months, the Sydney Olympic Games will begin later this month. The opening ceremony will feature singer John Farnham, while the Closing Ceremony will feature drag queens. There has been widespread outrage at the inclusion of Johnny Farnham in the lineup.

The Bondi Beach Olympic Volleyball protestors could have stopped the event going ahead if only they'd simply cited the "No Ball Games on the Beach" rule.

July 1st marks the introduction of the GST in Australia, whereby the price of most goods and services will rise ten percent. "Don't worry" said Treasurer Peter Costello, "welfare is set to rise four percent". When questioned about the fairness of the tax, the treasurer also noted that, "The new tax system will more fairly tax (poor) people, deliver well deserved tax cuts (to the rich) and improve community services, like (private) schools and (private) hospitals. It's good!".

BAS? More like BASTARD if you ask me.

A compromise has been formed in Bonn to help save the Kyoto Global Warming Protocol. "Basically we let America and Australia burn down everything while everyone else drowns" said an un-named representative. In response to this plan, George W. Bush said "Burning everything down is a fundamumental part of the American way of life. Just look at Waco!"

And why do all the various planets on Stargate SG:1 look exactly like Southern British Columbia?

Australian Foreign Minister Alexander Downer made a recent trip to Europe. When asked why he failed to attend the G8 meeting, Downer replied that he "never liked car shows very much".

A headline in the Sydney Morning Herald earlier in the month has had unexpected results. "Taliban profits from drug U-turn, says US" has lead to an outbreak of Sydney trendies asking their dealers for that hip new drug called "U-Turn".

Despite the fact he lost the last the last Australian Election, Opposition Leader Kim Beazley remains optimistic in his new book released this week entitled "Look Out John Howard, I'm going to eat you!".

In a related story, a nation of boatpeople re-elected a government that declared war on boatpeople.

Entertainment Weekly magazine has calculated that the upcoming U.S. fall primetime TV lineup contains 13 gay major characters, which means that someone at Entertainment Weekly has too much spare time.

Controversial rapper Eminem has finally arrived in Australia after various visa problems and general community outrage. Outspoken NSW state Senator, the Reverend Fred Nile declared: "If young kids want to hear unintelligent homophobic preaching, they're more than welcome to come along to one of my sermons".

Mark "Chopper" Read has filed for divorce... from his ears!

The computers of the world were bought to a standstill in the last month by the "I love you" virus. It proved much more successful than many earlier e-mail viruses, such as the "I hate you" virus and the "You are a nob-head" virus, which most internet users didn't open and look at.

American Beauty: It's a movie about a plastic bag, get over it.

In memory of the Mir Space Station, Boris Yeltsin has commissioned a new cocktail, which like his presidency, is going to be called a "Flaming Demise". It's a simple recipe: add four parts Vodka to one part Vodka and then shake it by doing a funny dance.

Q. What do you call an East Timorese Independence leader in a blender?
A. Xanana Smoothie.

Does anyone remember the slogan for the International Year of Older Persons? It was: "not old, just older". So this old guy was really slow in the queue at the post office. So I shouted at him "Hurry up, you OLDER fart!".

I see Survivor as a central metaphor for modern employment. It's all about appearing to be indispensable while simultaneously doing as little work as possible, and at the same time scheming to undermine your fellow employees, so you can climb the corporate ladder and make a million dollars. And like my current job, it only lasts for 39 days.

Bill Clinton brought himself into the Elian Gonzalez controversy last week, when at a press conference last week he told reporters, "the decision we have to make is whether we want Elian to live under an evil, fascist, corrupt government, or we want him to be sent back to Cuba".

Finally, American Film Critic Gene Siskel passed away last month. In his honour, scientists have named a DNA strand after him... the Gene Siskel.