In this past month:

Four years after the Thredbo landslide, sole survivor Stuart Diver has finally settled his compensation claim with the state government. Supposedly, under the deal Diver is to receive $3 million and a brand new wife.

A recent Australian survey found a record 54% of doctors morally approved of euthanasia ?for seriously ill patients. The figure jumped to an astounding 92% if the patient was the Australian Prime Minister.

I noted flags in Sydney flying at half mast yesterday and picked up a paper to find out why: "Howard appoints new ministry" . In a related story, a nation of boatpeople re-elected a government that declared war on boatpeople.

Attention asylum seekers: To speed up your application processing, please bring your own hacksaw!

US forces bombed the Kabul studios of Arab television channel Al-Jazeera. When asked why, a US Defence Forces spokesperson said, "too many damn Seinfeld repeats!"

At the brand new NSW Police Integrity Commission, audiences have been regaled with tales of $61,000 going missing from an eastern suburbs drug bust. "We can't find the money anywhere" said informant A2 from his brand new BMW.

Mark "Chopper" Read has filed for divorce... from his ears!

Billionaire Republican media tycoon Michael Bloomberg has been elected mayor of the plane crash-eriffic city of New York. Proving their editorial independence, Bloomberg Information Television described Mr Bloomberg as being "the most amazing human being to ever walk the face of the earth".

Sydney's dorkiest tourist accomodation, the Hilton Hotel on George Street is set to have a major facelift (just in time for the Olympics, huh?!?!?). This marks the first time the hotel has undergone a facelift since an impromptu facade renovation in 1978 that killed two garbagemen.

Microsoft has launched Windows XP. Retailing at over $600 we now know that the XP stands for eXtra Pricey. Bill Gates doesn't just want to immunise all the children in the third world - he wants to send them to private schools in their own Ferraris!

The ANZ has become the first bank in Australia to offer a credit card with a microchip built in. When asked what purpose or function the microchip serves, an ANZ spokesperson told us "We got a microchip. Tee hee."

Christmas is fast approaching and one department store retailer told us he expects his sales recovery to be lead by "a magic boy wizard". When we asked if he was referring to Harry Potter merchandise, the jumpy retailer replied, "Who? What?!?!"

Television personality Steve Irwin (aka the Crocodile Hunter) is going to make a movie. In Crocodile Hunter 2000 (to be released in 2002), Irwin is mauled to death by a giant croc while trying to feed it strawberries, and has screened to the most positive response from test audiences ever!

American fast food chain Subway has declared a terrorist attack on hunger with its new sandwich, the "O-Sub-a Bin Laden".