First Anniversary Issue

Widespread violence by Militias occurred in East Timor after the independence vote last month. While Australia contributed 2000 troops to the UN-lead invasion, the USA contributed some harshly spoken rhetoric and a few "slightly" used bulletproof vests.

Meanwhile Australia's military resourceshave been stretched to the limits and the army needs new recruits. Amongst the new recruitment campaigns, there is going to be a new slogan for the army reserve, "One weekend a month, two weeks a year, 18 months in Indonesia!".

With the defense budget being low in recent years, new recruits can look forward to uniform swapping, gun-like weaponry, bullet-resistant belt buckles and wages in excess of 18 cents an hour!

On a lighter note, both the Aussie Rules and the Rugby League grand finals happened last month. The full time score was "Who Cares".

The Millennium is less than three months away. Many airlines have announced reduced services during the new years period, obviously for fear that the sky is not Y2K compliant and will turn into water.

Australian Xenophobe warrior princess, Pauline Hanson has revealed in an upcoming book that she knew nothing of aboriginal affairs during her time in the Liberal Party. This comes as no major surprise, as Pauline Hanson NEVER knew anything.

The movie "American Pie" was released in Australia last month. Academy Award rumours are already surfacing, with suggestions that it could be nominated in the prestigious "Best Movie in which teenagers have sex with pastries" category. The Nobel Committee is also considering awarding it a "Piece Prize".

If you think the last joke was poor, please send a stamped, self addressed envelope to "Chelsea Clinton, c/o Big Rich Expensive House, New York, New York".

Also in the past month, two more earthquakes occurred, one in Taiwan and one in Greece. They were earthquake-a-riffic! (You try making up an earthquake joke, okay?)

Also, Hurricane Floyd battered the Bahamas and the US West Coast. Unlike a Floyd of a different name, it didn't put "another brick in the wall", instead it just knocked the wall down, caused widespread flooding, provoked the largest peace-time evacuation ever, made very fast winds and provided extremely high ratings for the weather channel. A butterfly in China that believes in the chaos theory apologised at a press conference earlier today.

Happy First Birthday, Banana Report. Like any one year old, we need our nappy changed and a good smacking. Bye!