Woodstock '99 was held, a music festival to celebrate the 30th Anniversary of the original Woodstock festival. If the original festival was a point of reference for an entire generation of disillusioned youth, then Woodstock '99 was an occasion for their yuppie scum children to pay $17 for a hot dog.
Also celebrating a 30th Anniversary last month, humankind's first steps on the moon. Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin, the first and second people on the moon respectively (dubbed the "moon walkin' mad men" by the media) celebrated by splitting a six-pack, sitting back and swapping stories.
Neil: Hey Buzz, remember that time we went to the moon.
Buzz: Yeah, that was great. (pause) Hey Neil, you know what I was just thinking about?
Neil: What?
Buzz: That time when we were gonna go to the moon, and we did. Wasn't that great?
Neil: I just said that, you pinhead.
Buzz: Oh... Forgive me, Number One.
"Mum and Dad" investors of Australia will have the opportunity to buy more shares of the national telephone carrier Telstra in the coming months. Because one third of Telstra has already been privatised, and services have decreased, it has been advised potential investors apply by "homing pigeon or message delivery greyhound".
China has faced worldwide condemnation after Chinese authorities detained 5,000 members of the Falun Gong meditation sect, because it was believed they had political ambitions. A Chinese government spokesperson was quoted as saying "I wouldn't say we over reacted at all. It has been scientifically proven most violent revolutions are brought about by relaxed groups who sit cross legged on mats and say 'ummmm' for hours".
Master Li, head of the sect, said in a statement from New York, "I like Chinese Food".
It was revealed last month that "respected" Australian broadcaster John Laws accepted money from the banks to promote them in editorial comment. In response, Mr. Laws said in a press release, "You can Bank on me backing the banks like a firm river bank. If you can't tell, everytime I say the word 'bank', I get ten thousand dollars. Bank Bank Bank Bank Bank".
Stanley Kubrick's final film, "Eyes Wide Shut" has finally been released to widespread acclaim. There are already rumours that it could win the Academy Award for "Best Movie in which Tom and Nicole get Jiggy".
John F. Kennedy Jr. died in a plane crash last month. Lee Harvey Oswald Junior has no comment, because he does not exist.
The East Timor Independence Vote has been delayed again. Indonesian Authorities have promised an unbiased and fair election, "except for those who vote in favour of independence, they will be shot".
A group of American and Japanese marching bands involved in the Sydney 2000 Olympic Opening Ceremony have been informed they will no longer be asked to perform at the Games. As a result they will be saving several hundreds of thousands of dollars in airfares, and to show their gratitude they are suing SOCOG for $6 million. It's good to see nonsense economics didn't die with Reagan.